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COUPLES COUNSELING | Is It Good For Reconciling With An Ex?
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Coach Adrian was talking to a client of his during a relationship coaching session, a young lady who was devastated because her ex said no to going to couples counseling. She wanted to go to couples counseling because she thought she had learned a lot from the breakup and was ready to try and salvage the relationship. But her significant other did not want to do couples counseling.
Why do ex's refuse to go to couples counseling, and how should you approach that? There are two main points to touch on.
The first point is that, usually, after a breakup, you need to know that it's because your partner has lost faith in your ability to make them happy. They think that it is beyond repair. When you pitch solutions, like couples counseling, it goes against their fundamental belief and they're going to feel insecure and threatened. They will feel like you don't respect their decision, and therefore they will close up. Agreeing to go to couples counseling after having agreed to separate or divorce will only make your ex partner feel like their decision is being undermined. This is why we suggest not asking an ex partner to go to couples counseling. If you feel compelled to do so, anyway, there are other ways that you can package the idea to them to greatly increase the chances of them wanting to go to couples counseling, which we discuss in this video.
The second point is that men in general are insecure about anything that has to do with therapy, counseling, or couples counseling because men are wired to believe that they need to figure things out on their own. Men don't like to ask for help, or at least, most men. Men need to feel like they are in control and can figure it out. And unfortunately, showing weakness or vulnerability through the need for counseling or couples counseling is something that is negative. Men are sometimes very insecure and their ego very fragile, and making them feel like they need help will often trigger a certain backlash. Suggesting going to couples counseling is interpreted by your guy as him not being good enough to sort out the relationship issues on his own, and thus sees it as an attack.
It's always important to frame the suggestion of couples counseling in a way that is positive, has them not feeling attacked, and as if they are not the issue. You'll have a much better chance of having your ex go to couples counseling if you package it in the way Coach Adrian suggests in the video... SO WATCH IT!
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